There is a style of convincing others, influencing or “selling”
for everyone. Understand we are using the term “selling” here
very loosely. I bet many of you are saying, “I don’t sell
people. I hate that!” Although this may sound like it’s about
sales, it really isn’t. You’ll understand shortly but indulge me
for a minute. There are several types of popular styles of
selling: relationship selling, non-manipulative selling,
pressure selling, what’s-important-about-that-to-you selling.
Whatever approach and philosophy that works for you is fine.
Actually, we’re not trying to change your personal style of
selling. But if we can give you additional insight to
influencing others regardless of who they are, would that be
helpful? “Yes.”

Let me ask you, when you really connect with someone, isn’t that
a wonderful experience? When this happens, you connect with them
and feel closer in a shorter period of time then with someone
else you may have known for years. What happens here? You click,
connect, have great rapport, and there may even be chemistry
between you. You know you are being heard and listened too. Wow,
isn’t that wonderful when it happens! Wouldn’t it be great if we
could increase our opportunities to connect with each other in
general? It can be done.

There is a universal unspoken language based on observable
behavior. What that means is, we can see the behavior just by
watching others. We look for tone of voice, pace, body language
and words used. These are the clues that help us to identify how
to communicate better with that person.

Research has shown that behavioral characteristics can be
grouped together into four quadrants or styles. People with
similar styles tend to exhibit specific types of behavior common
to that style. A person’s behavior is a reflection of who they
are naturally. According to William A. Marston, “All people
exhibit all four behavioral factors in varying degrees of
intensity.”

This model categorizes how we act. Nothing more. It is simply
used as a tool for more effective communications between people.
Sound good? You bet.

In all the cultures studied, the model has been found to be
valid. All cultures have people who are outgoing, expressive and
animated. All cultures have people who are more cool, aloof,
introverted and analytical. Ask yourself, is this person
people-oriented or task-oriented? Are they an introvert or an
extrovert? Because you can learn to see the answers, it is
observable. It is a universal language because it has no
cultural boundaries. Are you intrigued? You’re probably saying,
that’s all great but how does this apply to me getting my way?
Oh, we are so self-centered at times. When you are getting your
way, I trust it is for the benefit of all who are affected by
the decision. Because what we are talking about is not for
self-centeredness, manipulation or control.

Any time we have greater understanding of ourselves, it provides
us opportunities to make the best of an interpersonal
communication process. That insight provides a solid foundation
from which to move forward. If we know we have a particular
habit that may interfere with the communication process; we can
work on improving how we communicate. For example, if we know we
are not the best listeners in the world, we can work to improve
our listening skills. If we tend to come on too strong for some
people, we may choose to tame it down in those situations. When
you know yourself, you have the choice to modify your own
behavior so the other person can be ready to hear what you are
saying. Let me repeat that, this is a very important point,
“When you know yourself, you have the choice to modify your own
behavior so the other person can be ready to hear what you are
saying.”

Again this is not about manipulation or controlling others; it
is taking control of ourselves! It is about you having a true
desire to be the best communicator you can possibly be. The goal
is to communicate on a level so the family member, coworker or
customer can relate to what you say. When we communicate in a
manner that is appealing and open, the person is more likely to
feel connected to us and understand and be open to what is being
said by you. The results are better communications for
everyone’s benefit. Not only will it improve sales; the benefits
will spill over into all areas of communications in our personal
and professional lives. Many of us need improved relationships
with our family, friends, and customers, do you? Just simply
having greater understanding of the communication styles is a
big step. We know we really can’t change others, only ourselves.

Some of the benefits of learning this universal language are
gaining commitment and cooperation, building more effective
sales teams, resolving and preventing conflicts, gaining
endorsement, increasing sales, better time management and having
better family interaction. W.W. Tornow & M. London says, “Self
assessment can motivate change. Fear of self-knowledge can
prevent it. However, feedback results that are verifiable,
predictable, and controllable are difficult to deny. It is
important that the recipient be ready for feedback—that is, be
able and willing to accept it and to do something with it that
will result in change.”

Now that you understand what we’re talking about, let’s look at
the four styles we have been referring to: DISC, D = Dominate, I
= Influencer, S = Steadiness, C = Compliance. In simpler terms,
it addresses how we handle problem solving, how we influence
people, the pace in which we do things and our willingness or
possibly unwillingness to follow rules and procedures. A person
whose strongest style is a “D” is ambitious, forceful, decisive,
direct, independent and challenging. A strong “I” style is
expressive, enthusiastic, friendly, demonstrative, talkative and
stimulating. A strong “S” tends to be methodical, systematic,
reliable, steady, relaxed and modest. The strong “C” is
analytical, contemplative, conservative, exacting, careful and
deliberative. We all exhibit some of each of these four styles.
Most of us have one or two of these styles that are more
prominent then the others.

When a person is identified as a Dominate, one who likes to
solve problems, you can direct the sale in a way to help the
customer solve their problem of making a decision or a purchase.
Ask questions to provide insights and answers as to what they
want to accomplish with this purchase. The high D is a greater
risk taker. Show them something new and different. When
communicating with them be clear, concise and direct.

When someone is an Influencer, a people person, you’ll want to
allow time to build rapport with him or her. Don’t be afraid to
chitchat. Talk about things other then business to break the
ice. Too much detail and technical information will overwhelm
this person. Give details when they ask for it. Show them
unique, unusual and designer options. Be creative. Help them to
visualize and image how their friends will react when they see
it.

A Steadiness person is not one to make quick-on-the-spot
decisions. That is unless they have done considerable research
and shopping already and know exactly what they want. They hate
to be pressured and will not be pressured. They love stability
and harmony. They tend to be very loyal. They appreciate strong
relationships and relatively low risk situations. Assure them of
your guarantees and that it’s risk free. Inform them of your
return policies. When you have provided them with the knowledge
they want; they will want to go home and think it over. They
will come back. Know that 40% of the population falls into this
category.

The Compliance person is one who likes rules and regulations and
likes lots of information. They like details and more technical
types of presentations. Show them supportive materials that
provide back up and validation to what you’re saying. Pull out
the professional industry association brochures to show them
supporting statistics. Give them a brochure or a business card
with your name and phone number for them to refer to later.

These are just a few of the ideas that can be used when you
understand the four basic behavior styles. It is worth an
investment of time and resources to learn this easy universal
language. When you use it, it will increase your bottom line! A
simple questionnaire, and subsequent report will provide the
necessary insights to your behavior styles. With a little
training and practice you can learn to observe these styles in
others with 85% or more accuracy! The beauty is that it is
simple, easy and observable. And best of all, it is fun, will
increase your personal effectiveness and your “sales.” “Seeing
is believing” is true here.

Copyright 2005 Eln Albert

About the author:
An expert in Interpersonal Communications, Eln Albert works with
those that want to be at their best when influencing others. Eln
is a Professional Speaker and Writer.

For more information on how to be the best influencer as a
parent or a boss go to http://www.ElnAlbert.com. Check out other
articles by Ms. Albert and subscribe to get her free "The Magic
of Influence" e-newsletter. She also offers free team building
exercises.